Helping.Mom

Take-Away: We SUBMIT and SING to SEEING God.   
Please read Ephesians 5:19-21: 19 Speak to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; 20 Give thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 21 Submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
I like to say, Speak, See (God), and Serve. 
Share your thoughts, call/text me 2143049822 

“It’s one thing for a man to live in his mother’s house; it’s another for his mother to live in his house.”  —Terry 
There is much to hate about caregiving, maybe 93% of it?!? (jus kidn)
4 include: Emotionalism; Impact; Frustration, and: Feminization
Share your thoughts, call or text Amy-Vet/caregiver Terry at 214 304 9822 

There are 3 phases, or stages, that care RECEIVERS go through:
I dont need you--I got this
I dont want you--you dont do anything right
I demand you-why arent you? 
(maybe a 4th: I cant have you)
 

The greatest threat to caregivers is isolation
Caregiving isolates us--
physically from family, friends & positive social relationships
emotionally from care receiver
spiritually from God--Is THIS all there is? WHAT is the point? 
The 3 primary causes of isolation:
Principles, ethics, morals, standards, expectations, spirituality
Pain
Plan-lessness leading to Panic
Cures for Caregiving Isolation:
humbly ask for help (contrast Proverbs 19:20 vs 27). Which are you? 
build team around care receiver
schedule breaks, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly
identify with fellow caregivers
eat well
MOVE! (follow Howard Luks on X/Twitter)
Share your ideas, prayer requests, feeback to Terry at Info@Helping.Mom or call my cell 214 304 9822 

The path to isolation is marked by 3 steps: 1) pain begins journey—usually words as talebearer that go deep. Isolation seems safe. 2). you take counsel of self (echo chamber), where your perspective + ideas seem best because unchecked. 3) if/when you do emerge conflict ensues—hence wars (see James) with others, or further retreat. The isolation pattern is born, like every rap star spitting out lyrics against “they”… if everyone is singing about “they,” then WHO is THEY?? You do same, they dont understand me, they wont help me, they dont care. 
Consider all in our society that separates us. Perfectionism, being task oriented, addiction, criminal behavior, anger, pride, sports, desire to be the best, materialism, shyness, gossip, selfishness, demanding our way, laziness, ignorance, gluttony, tribalism, and clannishness, prejudice, Being a high achiever, self isolation, fear. Add now to this the pain & problems of caregiving itself. 
In his book, the Great Divorce, CS Lewis describes hell as a Gray Town place where each person thinks she is happier the more they isolate themselves from one another. Each retreats by free will into that which hurts, then kills her.  
Imagine hell as a place where you get everything you want, and more, forever, by yourself. Caregivers ironically do much of the same. See Proverbs 18:1--we pursue our ideas, or even the ideal, and so take fatal step after fatal step from all others who can inform and help us on this journey.  
You’ve heard the expression, “pride comes before a fall.” The Bible doesn’t actually say this, but close to this is proverbs 18:12. In fact, all of Proverbs 18 is a warning against the evils of self-absorbed isolation. 
And, much of caregiving is self-absorbed (woe is me) pity, mixed with isolation (especial emotional separation). We lose touch with care receiver, family members, friends, our habits of life, and even ourself. In process we become lazy, speak foolishness, are full of pride, and in time lose heart. A strong spirit can sustain a broken body, but nothing can sustain a broken spirit (called implosion). 
Isolation is born out of arrogance, coupled with fear. Isolation breeds ignorance. We never grow wise in isolation. The three great teachers of wisdom are nature, the Bible, and interaction with others. Isolation robs us all three. 
The prodigal son was alone. He was alone in his mind when he rebelled against his father, he was alone with the pigs. And every step he took toward the hogs he was alone. He was somewhat alone around everyone else except for his father When he returned. Then others slowly returned to him. I doubt he was ever alone afterward. 
Eve sinned when she was alone from her husband, Cain when alone from parents. 
The strength of David, even as his restoration following horrible sins with Bathsheba and killing her husband, was that he never traveled alone. David was always in midst of his soldiers & preachers. 
The strongest biblical metaphors are the body, a building like the temple, a family, and an army. There are no Lone Rangerd in the faith. And no effective caregivers can in the end go it alone. Remember, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. he was never alone. In his great book Pilgrims Progress, John Bunyan show us Christian is never alone. First he walks with faithful, then with hopeful. Then the promised land post-River. 
Let us as caregivers work in faith and hope, walking with faithful, hopeful others. Let us examine what inside us today isolates us. Then count the cost of that continued isolation. 
Is it worth it?  

The Caregiver’s Christmas Song
Each year at Christmas time a different hymn has special meaning to me. It’s lyrics, it’s melody, it's new singer or composition. This year is O Holy Night, for this is a caregiver’s hymn. I have streamed 75+ different singers & groups perform it this past week. It acurately captures 3 tenets of caregiving.
But do you know it’s fascinating history? Have you read the actual poem that gave rise to this much-revised staple on our radios this time of year? Have you ever read it’s deep practical meanings? 
Three points from this hymn have special meaning for caregivers:
1) The heart of caregiving is the soul. The human soul feels it’s worth in Christ. Jesus says we possess nothing of value compared to our soul given to us at birth. And that if we should gain this entire world during our lifetime, we will still die bankrupts in hell if we do not have our soul’s worth found in Him. 
2) Your care receiver languishes in anguish. pines in pain, without you. Enslaved like a hidden brother/sister, we serve them through His law as love, and His gospel as peace. This is what we DO as caregivers--we bring love and peace. Without you, your care receiver would be dead, or at best, pining beneath the suffering of body & mind in this falling world. 
3) We serve the CHRIST inside our care receiver. This is the trick. He demonstrated for us, and now teaches us, to love one another. Let all oppression cease in his name. Let all within us praise his holy name, as our knees bow to HIS worth--through our care receiver. We serve the Ideal inside, if not the real outside.  
Please share your thoughts to Info@Helping.Mom
 

The Pretty Feet of Caregivers -- What the strangest verse in Bible about feet has to do with caregivers, today on helping.mom 
WHAT kind of feet do you have? Egyptian, Greek, Roman, Peasant, or Asian? Look at pic on google, then compare. 
NOW, are your feet beautiful as caregiver? 
Text: the strangest verse in Bible speaks of pretty feet… 
In NT we are told this about caregiver feet: 
Hebrews 12:13-15
 And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed. Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
Peace and Holiness, calm & truth, should mark our work, our path, as caregivers. Holiness with God, Righteousness with Man. We do this through following straight paths. Straight means simple, honest, basic, transparent, real, direct, candid. No subtle craftiness, deception, strangenesses, gambits, bets, short cuts. 
Blessed are Caregiver Feet which are simple and able to be understood. Pursuing Peace as Caregiver. 
The strangest verse in Bible, about feet, is in OT. 
Isaiah 52:7 very strange verse in Bible: how beautiful the feet on mountains… of those who do 4 things. I was raised thinking feet are ugly, to be hid in closed-toe shoes. And that loose women bare their ankles to men. Yet arguably one of most sexy things in life is inside ankle area of bare feet. With regard to young daughters, one of the most pure, honest, coolest images is watching your little girl with pants rolled up, stepping into cool water, or walking on beach. The innocence of little kids' feet. Wow! Being a child is being bare feet!!!
If you have one hour today, look at how feet have been described in ancient and medieval times, from Japan to Europe. It was King Henry II who gave us standard 12-inch "foot" as unit of measurement.
Here in Isaiah: beautiful is the life/feet/lifestyle/work of the person who pursues 4 things—good news, peace, positive outlook, message of salvation. What Jelly Roll calls “a path toward redemption” 
Straight is simple. Simple is straight. 
Walking presupposes seeing, then thinking, planning, executing. Feet follow gaze. 
As caregivers, let us have beautiful feet by pursuing peace, keeping our mouth shut if our heart is full of pain, and making peace wherever possible to care for our moms.
Peace with men (righteousness) is related to holiness with God. Our faith is what we objectively do, not subjectively believe. Go & show Jesus tells his miracle recipients. 
You will not see God. Or enjoy Him here. Without righteousness & holiness. The vertical plane of H must match the righteous plane of R. And you must do this over time, through life. 
Faith does not take us out of this world, faith deeply ground in the reality of this world. Faith is not like Calgon—"take me away!" Pure religion is to care for helpless in this world, right now, where & how they need help (Ja 1:27). 
If you’re talking but not walking you’re alone. 
Let us have beautiful feet today as caregivers--be they Roman, Egyptian, Greek or whatever 

Catholic dead-saint Anthony: Satan uses 3 things to trap us: regret for past; ingratitude for present, fear of future. I believe all three of these are at heart of bitterness, and describe perfectly modern American culture.
What to do when your mother gives you the middle finger. Bitterness in Caregiving.  
Malice is at the core of bitterness and 4 other destructive (Eph 4:32) behaviors. 
Bitterness is a root, and route. The root of bitterness is anger, its route is bitterness, gossip, slander, clamour, lying, etc. 
 
Cain was bitter before he became a murderer. 
Adam was bitter at Eve. Eve at Adam. Both against the snake. God against all 3. 
Saul was bitter at the success of David. David at Absalom. 
Moses was bitter at God. Pharaoh was bitter at Moses. Moses was bitter at God in denying him the ability go to the promised land, God was bitter at Moses because of all that He entrusted to Moses 
Bitterness comes from the German word bite. Bite me/Bite my head off. Same. 
What is to good side of spectrum? Disappointment is good side of bitternessis sarcasm bitterness on steroids? Aren’t all funny comedians just bitter?
Is bitterness the cause or the means? I think means toward end--to kill.  
In other words is there something called bitterness or is it really just anger manifested in a particular way? 
Is bitterness spectrum in other words to the left is something good but you cross the line and becomes bitterness. For example, critical skills, self reflection, honesty, accuracy, and “being honest.“ Do these things lead to bitterness?
Two F’s to cure bitterness. Forget & Future.. You must forgive and forget. You must become Teflon. You cannot let it stick. You cannot let their biting affect your definition of yourself. You must be content, knowing that God knows you. This works both ways. Second you must focus on the future. You must shift your thought to a future small goal. If your mother gives you the middle finger at eight in the morning, focus on how she will be at 11 AM when you treat her to lunch.
Joseph was bitter at his brothers while he lay in prison and suffered temptations under Potifer's loose wife. Yet he forgot, and he helped them in future. 
We expect perfection in others. We never expect it in ourselves. We exact justice on others, and appeal to grace for ourselves. 
Contact me at info@helping.mom
 

On this the worst Thanksgiving Day of my life, still, we give thanks as caregivers. 
1) Thankfulness is not an emotion. It is based on value and promise. You are valuable because God made you, because Christ died for your sins, because the Holy Spirit inhabit you, and because God will receive you. Your value is connected to his promise.
2) Thankful does not mean I am happy because of all the things I own in life. It means because though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you are with me. I am yours, and this is your valley. And there is an into it, and in the meantime, you’re with me.
3) Thankfulness is not a celebration of how great life is going, but the fact of the depth of God‘s provision of love toward you and that perfect love, cash out fear. God loves you fully, Christ died for you Foley, the Holy Spirit controls you Foley. Heaven is where you are ultimately and forever full.
4) We practice thankfulness, we do not feel it.
Complaining is an expression of our lack of trust and God’s commitment to us for our ultimate good. 
5) Thankfulness purifies  Psalm 27:1 leads to psalms 27:4 
Jadah is connected to Hosanna — each is prayer 
 
Hymn still true=
Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given
Jesus Christ His Son —Don Moen 

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There are 2 layers of caregiving, one masculine the other feminine. And we need both. Which are you? 
The Book of Jude
First, the book or letter of Jude. If you are tired of fake formal religion, what some call Christianity in Golden Slippers, read this incredible small book, by Jesus’ half-brother (brother of James). In this letter Jude challenges real from fake faith, and tells believers to discern truth, persist in right, and accept the limitations of the weak--while serving. He tells us to practice what we preach, to focus on fruit not leaves. 
Example: Jude 20-21: Build up your faith; pray; keep yourselves in love of God; practice the mercy of Christ--and of some have compassion making a difference, and others (23) save with fear, pulling the out of fire--hating the garments spotted by the flesh.
The first layer of caregiving is masculine, and speaks of duty chore responsibility obligation. Sacrifice. Service. Suffering. And silence. The other is feminine: loving. Giving kind generous. Healthy. Caring. Nurture. 
The masculine focus on task is found in second part of what Jude says above--to pull them out of fire, even hating what they smell like. Some people ain’t no damn good. You care for them because of who you are, not them. My sister care for a man called our dad, who hated us. He abandoned me. Even as she cared for him in his deranged old age he was awful to her and her family. He even gave her secret bank information to her ex husband so he could steal all her money. Even as she mopped up his urine off the floor of her living room because he was too lazy to walk to the bathroom. 
My sister Cassie is a better Christian than me. 
Caregiving is sometimes like being a prison guard. You provide the tools and structure so that if they want to help themselves they can. God blesses people through the obedience of his believing servants. 98% of caregiving is not seen; it is behind the walls. 
But our highest aim is the spiritual best of our care receiver This means we pray for them. We wish their ultimate best and we see our best work as caregiver is spiritual work. Their sanity, peace, dignity, respect, fulness of humanity, spirit, mind and soul. These are the things which live forever. These are what make us human. 
Caregiving is opportunity and duty. Possibility + Chore. The salient characteristic of Christianity is forgiveness, we should look continually into the mercy of Jesus. The same for our caregiving. 
My chains fell off, says one old hymn, my heart was free. I rose henceforth and followed thee. We are like father in Luke 15 who amidst the many numerous tasks of caregiving still keeps one eye out for returning son--and relationship again, above all else. This focus on person is feminine. 
Caregiving is tasks-within-relationship, fully masculine and fully feminine. Which do you need to work on?