Helping.Mom

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Who to hire to help you? 
The difference between men and women is seen clearly when asking this question: what is the most important thing when hiring a helper for your mother? 
The woman will say things like “she must be kind and generous and gracious and patient and loving and sweet and so forth." The man will respond "nonsense.  Here is what she really must be: "
Someone who can take an ass chewing, be criticized, micromanaged, told what to do, how to do it. 
Someone who can endure long boring stories with no purposes or points or meanings. 
Someone who forgets, with absolute confidentiality. There is a reason why the king would kill everyone of the servants after 12 months of service.
Someone who can shift sights quickly & often. 
Someone who does their duty. This is work. Do your job. You need them to do their duty. I don’t care if they love it, have a kind heart, or are generous, sweet and kind. These are nice, but not necessary. 
You need him to do their job, quietly, against all sorts of negativity, and keep their mouth shut. Confidentiality is Key.  
Someone who keeps head in chaos. Dependability, the ability to keep clear head clear in times of panic. For example, if your mom falls down at the shopping mall, what is next. If the oxygen machine breaks, How to change tanks of oxygen when your mother is semi comatose. 
Someone who is CPR, willing to use it. 
In Terms of pay—pay him/her so much they never leave and instead volunteer to help your mom in more ways than you can pay them to do. 
Would I ever hire a male? Certainly. 
 But I will not hire a Liberal. 
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Today we look at book by Messie Condo "Nobody Wants your [Stuff]". Please also listen to my own podcasts 32 and 33, for more info. Please also share your experiences, at info@helping.mom

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29 countries, 234 new cities now listening to helping.mom, including new friends below! 
 
Mount Laurel, NJ
Oakland, CA
Helsinki, Finland 
Kanasin, Yucatán 
Rensselaer, IN (home of "Brian's Song"  movie, and Speaker of US House of Reps Charlie Halleck)
West Lafayette, IN 
My 6 goals of being caregiver for my mom:  
Integrity--subjective, objective, character/competence/reliability 
Context--part of whole, all of fabric, all must win for each to win 
Balance--i wasnt born for this, but i am equipped for this. This tho real is not ultimate.  
Courage--to learn, fail, say "i am sorry, serve without note, be honest in all directions, say "no," agree to "yes," seek best of all, tell truth, make hardest decisions possible in life 
Perspective--kalidoscopic (HOW do you spell this word???) with view like fly  eyes.  
Communications--intra, supra, external, to find one who will listen. 85% talk, they dont listen. Who am I a 15% to? 

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Matthew 10:24-5 
The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. It is enough for the disciple that he be as his master, and the servant as his lord.
So what does this mean? Who is He? What about Him are we to be like? 
We cant be: Son of God, Saviour of World, Ruler of Heaven & Earth, Messiah, King, Judge, Creator....So how CAN we be "as him?" 
 We are to be caregivers
 If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more shall they call them of his household?
He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
But He also warns in 37-38: He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
Caregiving is Christianity. Turning other cheek. Loving enemies. Praying for those who have missed you. Giving 2nd coat/level of effort. Rejoice with those who rejoice Caregiving is a reflection of the gospel.
- life
- hope 
- truth
- value
The world (culture) cares nothing of these things.
The gospel provides you were created in the image of God, though in great need that you cannot meet, but must be met by sacrificial love from outside. 
Your value is established in your life, but the truth is that you need help from outside to live as you were intended to live. You are body and you are spirit. Your body fails, your spirit will live forever. The ultimate goal of caregiving is the spiritual well-being of your care receiver. Second is the overall quality of life that we can provide within the context of other challenges and resource limitations. This is a shadow or taste of something greater. 
Knowing someone cares (however imperfectly) takes the care receiver beyond despair. Our care and demonstrated love serves as an anchor of their soul of their own value.  That life is worth living, and it is greater than what I am going through at present.
Caregiving: 
love God, love others greater than yourself
If you have done it unto least of these, youve done it unto me
Well done, good and faithful servant
J127 vs J215--doing vs talking only, real faith vs non
The first will be last, the greatest the servant of all
He took a cup and washed their feet
His sandals I am not worthy to unlatch

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The hardest thing to do in life is to remember God. He is gone like the morning dew in the desert of Yuma. He vanishes on way up, on way down, and in busy-ness in between. When is the last time you thought about God, for, say, more than 15-seconds straight? 
What is is about caregiving that causes us to forget Him even more? Well, everything about caregiving causes us to forget Him. 
A cure is Psalm 48. In it we are told we can study Him, see Him, hear Him, and experience Him--that we might then share Him with the generation that follows behind. This, I think, is key to remembering God in our daily caregiving. Experience Him, then Share Him--THEN you will remember Him. You dont learn, then do--you do, then learn. Try it!    
 

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Rejoice that God has given you this hard work, and He has qualified you for it. 
Rejoice that His works are eternal, and your work is absorbed within His own. 
Rejoice that crowns await you, fashioned by His hands to fit your head perfectly. 
Rejoice your care receiver is alive, and you are here, responsible--serving. 
Rejoice your kids see your example, and no one around you can argue against your silent testimony. Instead, they honor and are provoked by you to do their own good works. 
Rejoice that our verbs go with us into heaven, like when we give, love, serve, care, help, assist, teach, guide, protect, schedule, cook, clean, plan, do, etc. 
Please share your own joys with me at info@helping.mom 

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Questions every caregiver asks vs ONE we should ask 
How long is it going to last? 
What is the impact of this upon me—my ____? 
What changes do I need to make to ___? 
Do we have enough money? 
Can I do this?
What if my CR ___falls, gets sick, vomits, loses mind, gets worse, becomes violent?
Am I going to have to change her diapers? (Or other awful fear) 
HOW awful (not is) is this going to be? 
Will anyone help me?  
Will we have to put into nursing home? 
How do govt programs & insurance work? 
Where do I go for help? 
Who do I ask?
Should I tell my friends? Kids? 
Will my mom suffer dementia? 
Why me? 
Why is this so difficult?
Can any good come out of this?
What if i die first? 
Can I do this? SEV  times 
The BEST question we can ask instead: What should I do today, right now, to maximize the quality of life for my CR--within the context of all other factors? 
Please share your ideas to Info@helping.mom

My take as Army Vet/caregiver: Charlie Kirk was a Cultural Caregiver to our nation, strengthening minds & hearts through speech, reason, & debate. He is why we have the 1st Amendment in our Constitution. He was murdered for his faith in Jesus Christ, and for taking the “leaven” of faith serious in his life & work. Let us as caregivers to our own loved ones serve them today in peace and hope and love—in light of the timelessness of eternity. 

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Matthew 8: 5-10
Elements of US Army (indeed, of all US Military) is same as our Caregiving:
MISSION 
RECON
SITREP
RISK 
PLAN
OPORD
COMMS
Hooah! 
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Make sure you Listen to end on this podcast. 
4 Mental Images of Sameness dominate our thinking: Groundhog Day Movie, Prison Cells, Chinese Water Torture, and Mouse Wheels. But let us examine these more closely. 
Is it sameness we dislike so much, or something deeper? 
Whatever it is, really, how can we combat it? 
Please listen and share your thoughts today, at info@helping.mom