Helping.Mom

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) "Go to the ANT, thou sluggard!" Solomon declares in Proverbs, for it is diligent, works hard without being told what to do, and lays up for winter its over-production during warm days of Summer. The ant perfectly models the bee and beehive (also spoken of highly in Bible for industry). But, BEWARE walking onto a nest of ants. Ouch! The field ant is half-inch long, 100K live in a typical colony, headed by 1 queen who lays 1000s eggs/day, all work is done by female worker bees, and men are useless save for mating then dying. It is interesting, the queen lives for 30 years, but secretes a pheromone that kills her subservient female worker bees in, say, 30-days. Not fair, no? Field ants have an incredibly interesting mutually symbiotic relationship with aphids--which they care for and shepherd, protecting them from other, worse, predators--while also living off them, eating them, and so forth. I find field ant nests fascinating. I can look at them for hours (did you know there can be miles of tunnels dug deep inside them, in pitch black, which lead perfectly from important areas to important areas. Ants have been "preppers" for centuries! LOLBut as fascinating as field ant nests can be to study, you dont want to step on them--just ask my adult dogs which do the Indiana Hot-Foot dance each time they come upon them. It is like this in caregiving--the nest has been there a long time, but below surface, where we do not see it. Or, more likely where we pretended to not see it, while living in our own state of denial. But when we are standing direct on top of it--THEN we see it. So, what are the ant nests of caregiving? I sense 5: the initial triggering event that forces us to finally, finally see that mom needs help, or that someone has to do something to help dear ol dad. This triggering event has probably been coming for months or years, but now that we are standing right in middle of it, now we open our eyes to see it (tho many around us still dont). Second triggering event is the fall of mom or dad, literally. See my podcasts on how to fall-proof your house. It is the NUMBER ONE thing you can do today to love your care receiver--remove trip hazards inside/outside their home. Third, family fissures. Cracks hidden below makeup and fake smiles, which now cannot be hidden. You will be surprised how negatively powerful these eruptions can be. BOOM! The marriage is over; Siblings square off; parent-child dynamics degenerate. Fourth, the cost to care for another quickly adds up. Upwards of $8K/yr to avg caregiver, tho actual cost much higher. Take heart, while ant nests are real-and hurt-they are not ultimate. For just as ant nest can be as big as 4' across--this is nothing compared to my 20-acres that surround it. So while this ant nest is real you face, it is not ultimate. You will get across it, if you keep your head, and heart, and take the next step (albeit quickly). Take heart, friends. Consider the Ant--just dont step on them!!    

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) Program Note: Today I experimented with new microphone for podcast. I hate it, so will throw it in trash. Sorry for echo-sound in voice. It wont happen again. "New" is not always better. Where were Jesus’ followers or Mary’s children? What is THE LAST act on Earth, by Jesus Christ? HOW did John's life change this day? What was its impact on Jesus' own family members? Luke 22:44. “And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as great drops of blood falling down to the ground.”blood falling to ground. Praying most Earnestly — in agonia. Hematodrosis—extreme stress. Severe anxiety activates sympathetic nervous system to invoke fight-or-flight response to such degree to cause hemorrhage of vessels. Blood comes out sweat glands. John: puts Virgin Mary here, her sister (Jesus' aunt), wife of Cleopas, Mary Magdalene Mark 15:40 identifies women as Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James the less and of Joses, and Salome; … and many other womenLuke 22:49: And all his acquaintance, and the women that followed him from Galilee, stood afar off, beholding these things.Matthew 27:55- And many women were there beholding afar off, which followed Jesus from Galilee, Among which was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of Zebedee’s children.CHALLENGE: Put together the above till you see who is the aunt of Jesus, and what this means to Jesus' charge to John...See also how curious wife of Cleopas is here with Jesus pre-crucifixion, while Cleopas is with Jesus post-resurrection at Emmaus.  3 Maras (Marys) & Salome in pain and bitterness. 1-2 widows. All believers. All courageous. All horrified.  One his mom. The other his aunt. Third the husband Cleopas on Emmaus—Jesus’ uncle?  Mary Magdalene--most lied about woman in Bible.  If this is Salome mother of James and Jude then Jesus is first cousin to John Baptist and these 2 disciples (see mark’s list of these 4 women). Third Mary is wife of cleopas and mother of James the less. Legend: Cleopas was brother of Joseph (Jesus’ dad)?  All 3 women here were mothers of Jesus and his followersStrange address. Not “mom,” but generic “you,” used 200 times in NT.  “Mother” used next means in place of mother. Like metaphor. Place woman to son. John. I am not your son now, WOMAN. John affection toward your new mom. Mother to son is between Mary to John.Catholics claim that Jesus here is submitting John to Mary’s care, when in fact, the opposite is very clear. The reason is because Catholics want to say that even Peter was submissive to Mary. Clearly Jesus is telling this woman that she is now the adopted mother of John and that he is her adoptive son. But it is John who’s clearly taking care of Mary the aged widow.By calling her woman, he is telling her that now our relationship is not son and mom, but Messiah and follower. Toward one another as humans between MARY and John, you are brothers and sisters, sons and mothers.She has been his blessed mother, she will now be become his blessed follower, she has no special access or relationship with Jesus that the rest of us cannot also possess and enjoy.His word accomplishes His work. John taking Mary unto himself means all that which is personal and private. All is connoted.  This is exactly the same expression in chapter 1 versus 11 when it says Jesus went into his own, but his own did not will receive him for welcome.His last act on earth was taking care of his mother, and maybe extending John’s life & ministry also. John outlives all other disciples, the only one not martyred. This is key, when James his brotherw was first to be kill

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) Disclaimer: following thoughts my own; names have been changed to protect the guilty 7 Funny (tho Helpful) things about Caregiving, based on book "Self-Care for Caregivers" by Susanne WhiteDo best you can – – till you know better       LC is huge fast steep Lower expectations and do bare minimum      You're already great—you’re here! Self-care comes before long-term care       If you’re not here, they’re not here       Dr Luks podcast Caregiving is like a resume       Approach like job description       P 180 of book Make no decision in the dark       GO for walk. Sleep on it. Pray about itEliminate everything       Org is everything       MT is disaster for CG      “balance” recognizes no perfect Know when to lie     See my later podcast at least 7-times when you MUST lie to care receiver  

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) Special Announcement. As of June 7, 2025 helping.mom podcast now has 1000+ downloads from 15 countries & 138 diff cities. Thanks to each of you! Also, I have made decision to NOT put advertisements inside my podcasts. I am sick of how many adverts are now cluttering podcasts that I (used to) listen to. I wont do this to you. IF you hear adverts, they are not coming from me. Please dont view me negative b/c of them. I promise to come to you with 100% original, fresh, real content. I am NOT trying to market you, sell you. But, still you can help--like, follow, share our podcasts with your friends, and link us to your social media. This is best, now only, way I can GROW the SHOW!3 forgotten widows in Bible teach us great truths. Catch: did you know Jesus almost got killed because of a little old widow woman! Luke 4:25 tells story of his first sermon in his hometown, and what quickly went wrong. It's a hilarious tale, and gives credence to his claim, "A prophet is not without honor--except in his own house, family and hometown." The story he told was of a Gentile widow w/ dying son in decadent land of Phoenicians. In his first public speech Jesus uses this woman as proof text that God sent a great Jewish leader Elijah outside Israel to feed and care for and save this Gentile Widow, whose name is never told us. She lived in famous land Phoenicia between 2 pagan awful cities—Tyre & Sidon in modern day Lebanon. We don’t like it when God blesses our enemies (see Jonah angry at repentance of Ninevah)!  Question: was her raised son Jonah? God provides for her, in his mercy, when she acts on her faith. And what a step she did take-giving food out of mouth of her dearest possession, her ailing son, who would die this very night. Widow & 2 Mites. Luke 21:2; Marrk 12:42. But what do you do when your act of faith does NOT result in God blessing you now, here? Do you still believe? Do you still act upon the faith you possess? This unnamed widow says yes. Jesus sees you, knows you. He w bless you, even if not now. You will never be a poor widow again, casting in the last two mites you own. God do not give her much oppty in this world, so that she would be boundless in next. Penury. She indicts both society & religion—neither of which sees her. Or regards as important anything she does. A nameless poor woman. Her life is metaphor for Jesus' life. Mite is called a lepton, is smallest coin. 1/64 of denarius. A denarius was one day of pay for average worker like a soldier. Today she had about $2 in today's terms. When you act on your faith, and give what you have, you give much. No matter how much is that much. Lesson: intention, shown by effort, done in faith. Faith acted on. Some suggest she died this night, in parallel to Jesus-he sees her quiet humble sacrifice in Temple as his own on the Mount. Anna, our 3rd widown, the prophetess in Temple greeting Jesus (Lk 2). Married 7 yrs (husband not named); a widow for 84yrs old (105yr old?). Point—make every occasion a great occasion, for you never know when someone may be taking your measure for a larger place. And God is always taking your measure. God will use you for His plan. Anna’s dad Phanual means “Face of God.” From tribe of Ashur known for happiness & prosperity. Asher on the Med Sea; the area of Galilee where is Nazareth, Jesus' hometown. Night & Day In Temple. Prayer & Fasting. Sharing gospel w all seekers. Anna 1 of 5 prophetesses mentioned in NT. Philip in Acts 21:9 had 4 daughters who did prophesy. This would make Anna one of the last prophetess in Old Testament. For 84 yrs she prepared people for coming of Messiah, which she got to hold this very day!!! She was an evangelist like John Baptist, who got to baptize Jesus as she got to circumcise, bless Him. Note to grandma’s: proba

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) I would argue caregiving is ALL ABOUT managing emotions. Which is why I was awful at it, when I first began. Author Susanne White in book "Self-care for Caregivers," makes 3 interesting insights into managing emotions as caregiver. Caregiving is an intense experience--with big feelings. Boy, is it!?!?! We cannot make negative feelings (shock, denial, anger, depression, fear, etc) disappear, but by being aware of them they lose their power over us.The only way to get over our feelings is to get thru them, what she calls "to sit still--and feel" (which as you will hear in podcast is hard for me to say!!!). But if we do above, our emotions can serve as guidelines for us, rather than as goads & gods warring about us and inside our brains as caregivers.  Please share your own thoughts on managing emotions as caregivers. How are you doing in this? 

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) The Secret of Christianity: We walk behind Christ, who walked before God. Everywhere He said, "Come, follow me." Letter of Ephesians is master opus of Paul. Key of letter is to distinguish Christians from syncretism idolatry sinfulness and hedonism of Ephesians (fertility goddess Diana). What Christians Look Like? is a great sermon topic for this letter.  C-ity is Belief + Behavior. Doctrine and Duty. Christ opens our relationship with God as Savior, Christ governs our relationships to others as Lord. The first half of letter to Christians in Ephesians is God working salvation into us. Second half is our working out of what that salvation looks like before others. Paul says “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.“ A boulder has fallen into the pond of your life; the ripple effect will reach every corner of your water surface. C-ity is Blender in your Guts We are not saved by good deeds. But we are saved for good deeds. By faith, we are saved, by works we are judged. To whom much is given, much is expected. The gospel good news of Jesus is both vertical in worship and horizontal in walk. Our behavior proves belief. Kids walk behind their Dad. WE all have pics of kids standing in their dad shoes. My Fave Picture is my daughter Lauren doing so in my business shoes, shirt & tie. She looks great in them, I must say (tho pic taken 35 yrs ago). God's favorite "picture" of us is walking in unity as siblings, following the example of Christ, serving others.But we cant serve others just in love; we must do so in charity. Caregivers give love. Christians are walkers, not mere talkers. We walk in humility We walk in truth We walk in completeness, soundness of mind We walk in maturity We walk in confidence We walk in counter-cultured ness Walk in practicality We are relevant! Salt & Light Jesus saidChristianity is the most powerful force on planet. See the lyrics by Philips, Craig & Dean, to song "I want to be just like you." Christians walk the talk.. We walk behind Jesus, who walked before God. “Come, follow me” he said to fishermen & tax collectors. Rich & poor. To Lazarus, “come down.”John’s disciples left John to follow JesusJesus does Matt 5:16--he does good works seen by everyone which glorify GodHe is not a king somewhere who cannot be reached by peasants He is not an ideal sensed only by a bald head  philosopherHe is not a mean and scouring judge who hates all who stand before himChrist is a Caregiver!He gives care--he loves and give. Say again: he loves and gives.THIS is what we do as caregivers--we love and giveBut we must do both. 1 Cor 13:1 Tho I speak w tongues of great men even angels--if i have not charity i am become a loud & obnoxious cymbal being smashed in your earWe love & give as he loved & gave J127 vs j215Without charity you are nothing. 1 Cor 15:1  “I am nothing.”Caregivers give care. Our charity is ongoing, pleasant, present tense. It pleases God. It helps CR. It models Christlikeness. It shows were in His path. We are his ultimately.  Paul says (2Co 2:15: “we are unto God a sweet savor of Christ." Sacrifice is both a verb and noun. We sacrifice a sacrifice. It connotes cost, intentionality, rareness, In a moment. Ultimate. Final. Commitment to the end. Sweet smell. What you do and how and why please the Lord like a flower in field  pleases you. One satisfies God—we reach end for which we are created. One pleases Him in process. Caregiving also keeps us from many sins in verses following (v3) So how was Christ our caregiver? Intentional—I have come to seek & save the lost.Seeks others' best--came not to condemn—they are con

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) Federal Jury in NYC finds CVS & subsidiary Omnicare guilty for filing 3M fraudulent Rx claims in 3000 nursing homes, against Medicare, Medicaid & Tricare, over several years. CVS slammed for $400M in damages to USA govt + whistleblower who first reported wrongdoing. Think about this: 3M false claims in 3K places. Trump administration promises more Whistleblower Lawsuits to come. Our Special Report identifies who is Omnicare, what is CVS, and how this FRAUD was inflicted on unwitting nursing home patients & their families, including many who are disabled. This verdict is another reason why PBMs (CVS Caremark) must be eliminated in USA, and why vertical integration of the health care industry leads to MILLIONS of fraudulent acts like those found here by this Jury. Also, why US govt must apply DOGE-like AI tools to prosecute more Qui Tam / False Claims Act / Whistleblower lawsuits. Case is United States of America v Omnicare, Inc; CVS Health Corp. No 1:15-cv-04179-CM. United States District Court Southern District of New York

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) Hospital admission rates, severity, cost and duration is 4x higher for 65yoa than 25yoa.  20% of 65yoa will go to hospital this year; rate is 10x higher than for 20yoa. AVG stay in hospital for 65yoa is 6 days, at $4k per day avg cost, or $24K total The median age for patients in hospital today is 66yoa THE HIGHEST % of patients in hospital today for drug and alcohol abuse is 65+Top reasons for 65yoa hospitalizations are:       Falls are the leading cause of injury     Adverse Effects to Medications:  hard to keep track of the growing number of medicines take .     Congestive Heart Failure: Heart disease, the number one killer of men and women in the US, is often the underlying cause of chest pain, shortness of breath and heart failure.     Stroke: Although this is the third leading cause of death, symptoms of stroke are distinct enough for someone to recognize and get help in time, before long-term damage occurs.10 Things to do when your Mom goes into hospital: 1) Take care of her pet. Get rid of that pet. 2) Take out trash. 3) Empty refrigerator. 4) Declutter like wanting to do for months. “Safety” Get rid of everything you’ve been wanting to get rid of. This will prove therapeutic. It will be something positive you can do. 5) Wash/Dry all bedding and sheets and towels and blankets and washcloths. 6) Plan what to eat. You need healthy things you can grab and go. Do not start eating fast food. You need protein and water, protein, and water, protein, and water. 7) Don’t stop praying and reading your Bible. Dont reach too many conclusions..don’t “mine” gods will. Fitness center. Don’t stop living. 8)  Get mail; dont hold mail9)  Group text status10). Coordinate meds. Hospital won’t know. BONUS) Love your mom IAW her LL—gift, service, time, words, touch —-pics of pup, yard, house —visit by fam & friends & pastor —donut or scone or cup coffee —pray for her —flowers —updates on news events 

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) How do we go from "pleasant" to "bitter" to "blessed" as caregiver. Sometimes it takes 12 years...Of the fears within and fightings without which beset us as caregivers, none is more strong than bitterness. Bitterness binds as it blinds. It banishes us from those we are trying to help, as from those who are trying to help us. It renders us ineffective--even as we sin while doing good. Bitterness comes from many places, including resentment, injustice, unforgiveness, pain, anxiety and unmet expectations. The 3-fold cure for bitterness is found in OT short story called "Ruth," which should be named "Naomi," as Naomi is the caregiver for Ruth, her ex-daughter-in-law pagan godless "Moabitess." Listen today as we open the incredible story of Caregiver Naomi, and learn 3 things she did to overcome bitterness and change her name from "Mara" to "blessed." The secret is in "and it came to pass..."       PLEASE: Listen to this great song in Bluegrass style, “He’ll Make a Way” by NewFound Road. You’ll be dancing with Naomi! 

Contact Helping.Mom (we don’t spam) National policy toward the aging must be to keep them in their homes as long as possible; and, where not, inside homes of family members who have direct interest in their health and wellbeing. To incentivize right behavior, keep families intact, offset enormous costs of caregiving, and provide for care of aged, our national government must pay full-time family member caregivers $50,000 per year, when providing care to 100% disabled loved one who is under active medical care, and court supervision in guardianship.